Insanity of Helplessness

Last night was a night that as a parent I dread. My youngest was in the grips of asthma hell and I was down a partner. When stuff like this happens, and it does happen in the world of parenting, you become accutely aware of how much of a partnership parenting truly is. The event itself is bad enough but then you have to make that phone call that you know is going to kick up your partners emotions becuase they are away from their baby. Ok, he's 4 almost 5, but the bond between my wife and her kids is a force of love I have not witnessed prior to marraige and parenthood.

The feeling of being helpless in any scenario just sucks. No other words suffice. You look down on your child and want to make them better with a blink of an eye. It doesn't happen that way unfortunately. I rocked him, massaged his back, spoke in soothing tones. I tried everything in my arsenal to no avail.

I left the ER in frustration at being told that it would be a 3 hour wait. They didn't even triage him to check his O2 level. We are doing many haiku in my English class and I wrote this down on a scrap of paper. It was to focus my brain on something else rather than increasing anxiety.

Gasping for air now
Little chest struggles for air
How Spring contains pain

The ER was pure horror show. Our healthcare system in our country is a shambles when it serves as the only venue of healthcare for so many women and their children. Yeah, it was packed. But thats another blog topic. What an environment. I also wrote this Senryu about the ER. I'm sure it is applicable to ER's found everywhere....

Room of no coverage
there is no emergency
just hurt, pain and hope

Well I have an appointment @ 4:00 to get my precious one to. How many people don't have that option, don't have the money for medication and will have to endure all the feelings that I felt on a nightly basis for a indefinate amount of time? I can see light at the end of the tunnel, other parents operate in the pitch black of hopelessness. As I snuggle my soon to be healthy boy and kiss his forehead you're damn right they will be in my prayers...