Beyond Vivid

The past couple of weeks my dream life has been in some rich mother lode. I can't really recall a period in my life where my dreams have been so filled with detail and so connected to me. Its been exciting, yet pretty unnerving also.

I am not a great sleeper. My sleep patterns have been forever warped by being a dad for 12 years. I figure its just part of the game. Having two kids with asthma has not been conducive to ever really feeling safe enough to deeply drift in the "zone" of total submersion. I dunno, I am who I am:)

Two dreams have just woke me out of sleep like a bucket of cold water. The first was a dream about my friend Ron. We were close friends in high school up through our late twenties till he and his wife relocated. I've spoken to him a couple of times since he has relocated but nothing consistent.

He looks just like we did around senior year. He is by his car and the detail is just mind boggling. The color of his car, his wetsuit thrown in the back. The empty soda can in the front that he drank on the way to the beach. While I am there I'm petting his dog, Glen. The feel of Glen's fur, etc. you get my point.

He's telling me his is all right where he is and that he is okay. He knows that the surf days are passed but he had to tel me he is alright. I'm just there with him. We aren't talking at all but we are communicating. Trippy.......

The second startler of a dream doesn't involve a person it involves a feeling or an internal point of reference. But first some background. My freshman year of college I fell head over heels for a young woman named Cindy. We developed a relationship. When I think back to her I always remember how she would meet me outside of the library and put her hand and head on my chest and let out a long sigh while she said Hi. It was a classic college romance that served to bridge to other parts of my life that would occur later.

Cindy just flat out disappeared. She withdrew from school and didn't live in her apartment and her friends came to me and said,"Do you know where she is?" She contacted her roommate about 10 days later and said that she went back to her Mom's house in Palos Verdes till next semester.

I slipped into a funk. It really scared the crap out of me. I felt like someone had put dark sheets over all the furniture in my soul. I didn't cry, I didn't get frenetic, I just was so there. I remember the feeling of taking care of business in terms of obligations but always having a concurrent dialogue within that was wondering if this was the point where my heart fell to the floor and shattered into a thousand pieces.

It changed me. I became guarded. I just didn't know about things anymore. To be honest with you, I don't think the final remaining dark furniture covers were completely put away till I met and fell in love with my wife. She was/is very illuminating.

So the second dream was about that feeling. The big empty and wondering if the next sound you hear is the shatter of a broken heart. The interpretation motifs are endless on this one. We are worried about son #2 who takes a med for asthma that has been linked to depression. We ask him what is wrong and he says nothing, but I know the walk, the methodical blink and all that goes with it.

So that is my vivid duo so to speak. It's interesting that two people from long ago decide to resurface. Maybe its not about them but the feelings that I have invested them. I dunno, gives me something to think about while I'm driving home from school with oven mitts on. Stay cool guys:)